For some reason, I have been in a more philosophical mood lately, and have been recently wondering about things in my past that have made me who I am today, for better or for worse.
Some of the things reflected upon were situations where I had choice, and other much less so.
Not knowing Vietnamese
For some odd reason, my parents never taught me Vietnamese. When I inquired this with my parents a while back, my Dad told me that at one point of my young life, my Vietnamese was better than my English. My mom was afraid that I wouldn’t learn English well, so she chose not to teach me Vietnamese.
I guess the profound affect this has had on my life is the ability to communicate with the older Vietnamese generation. I have tons of shit to say, especially about gay stuff and the nuances of Vietnamese culture, but it’s unfortunate I won’t be able to express these ideas.
Getting my first computer in 3rd grade
I remember my dad bringing home a computer, and the first thing I did was to crash it. At that point, the seeds of computer science were set, where I would eventually major in it, and make a career out of it. The crashing part hasn’t changed much in present day either.
Starting to learn the piano in 3rd grade
I remember my parents forcing me to go to piano and I cried and cried to the point where my parents threatened to pull me out. For some reason, they kept pushing for lessons, and I eventually enjoyed it. About 8 years later, it became a passion where I hit a point where I ‘understood’ the music.
The piano directly influenced my personality and my disposition by allowing me to express my emotions through music and forcing me to be more disciplined. I was never the smartest or fastest kid in class, but the piano taught me if I practiced enough, I could eventually get there.
Having the newspaper around the house in elementary school
Growing up, I had the OC Register around the house. Reading the paper allowed me to build a knowledge base of general things around the world, leading up to me eventually subscribing to the Wall Street Journal. I think if I never had an early newspaper influence, I wouldn’t still continue reading the paper today.
Reading the paper has thoroughly allowed me to expand my horizons and have given me an information archive to tap against when talking in general conversation.
Not applying to UCLA or UCB
For some reason when doing my UC apps, I didn’t apply to schools really far away. In retrospect, I had a pretty good shot in getting into both of those schools but I didn’t even try. Who would’ve known what would have happened if I chose to go to another school for college.
The decision to lose weight
It sounds weird, but I consciously made a decision after my fatty young-un years to lose weight. I remember picking up a book about “Healthy Lifestyles and Tofu” or something like that where I then decided to put a self exercise regime into place. Ever since then I have never looked back, always in the pursuit to live a healthy lifestyle.
The decision not to come out during college
In ring road at UCI, I remember passing by the Gay Lesbian Transgender Resource Center a million times. And every time I thought about walking in, but never had enough courage to.
Working at Ray-O-Vac
Working at ‘the defense firm’ (name not specified because I don’t want any googling to tie back to the post) changed me.. a lot. One of the first outcomes out of working there was the sharpening of my political skills. At times I literally worked in a dilbert type environment where I had 5 bosses and a crazy project, and so many situations would come up well you would have the barter your way to get something done.
At Ray-O-Vac, the friends I met there totally changed me. These new set of friends would enlighten me with their different perspectives (many were from all over in the world).
Through those friends, I would develop a love of traveling, and eventually came out of the closest because of them.
Coming out to myself after college
Oh man. This is a day I’ll remember forever. I remember everything falling apart and then having to piece my life back together. From being completely alone to making some great new gay friends out there.
Taking my first road trip in the east coast
I took my first big trip with a friend at the east coast where we started at New Jersey, and drove up to New York, Philadelphia, Atlantic City, Washington DC, Baltimore, then Montreal. Since then I have been addicted to traveling.
Backpacking through Europe
Visiting Europe made me appreciate how Europeans approach life. Europeans take long-ass dinners, talk about worldly events, and take great care in living life to its fullest instead of primarily focusing on money. There is something to be learned from their philosophy.
Not going to Paris
My friends at Ray-O-Vac were applying to do a rotation in Paris, and I was in the rotation boat also. Instead I chose to do something reckless and do a start-up.
I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I did go to Paris. If I did go, I wouldn’t have met my first boyfriend, learn the harsh realities of failing in a start-up, see San Francisco for 6 months through working at a new job, and meet many new friends along the journey.
For this one in particular… I’ll never know what that ‘alternative’ life would have been.
From what I’ve learned. Hindsight is always 20/20. There is no way you can second guess the past. But the minute you realize that you are in control of your destiny, you can change your life however you want to regardless of the past. The power of the present is something a lot of people underestimate.
i would probably not be working where i work now had you not started that startup, and had it not failed! work’s pretty fun, and there’s a sparkling water machine! and i took that compilers project course with Franz… it was fun, and a pain in the ass… Ray-O-Vac sounds like what you’d name a black hole… isn’t it weird that i still read your blog? :)